There are so many people in my life who have shown me what true compassion and grace look like. Yesterday my family and I received so many communications of love and support and we are forever grateful.
I have one friend from college who showed me I could laugh again in the months after Jordan died. We had been out of touch over 15 years, even though mutual friends kept us updated on each other’s lives. I saved every email she sent and reread them finding wisdom, comfort and laughter in her words. I’ve already told her that she will have her own chapter in the book I’m writing.
The emails I received from her started 2 weeks after Jordan died. I would hear from her at least weekly. She offered comfort, “remember when” stories from our college days and so much understanding. Some days I would look out the window after receiving an email from her wondering if she’d been watching me. How else could she know exactly the comforting words I needed to hear? Laughter and tears accompanied my reading of most of her emails. It got to the point that as I sat with my laptop and would randomly start to laugh aloud or at times cry, Mark would simply say, “Bev?” and I’d read to him what she’d written and he’d share in my emotion.
Today I wanted you all to get a glimpse of my friend Bev. Here are condensed versions of emails she sent to me after learning of Jordan’s death and the one she sent on the 2nd anniversary.
What Bev Said
October 27, 2008 4:02:52 PM CDT
My Dearest Jackie,
Beautiful, kind, Jackie….Girl with a smile and a kind word for everyone. I miss you dear friend and I am so very very sorry. All words seem inadequate. Because they are. I won’t speak of religion, or espouse lay philosophy in an attempt to comfort or bring sense to your loss. I know, there is not much that anyone can say or do…there is only time. We have been out of touch for far too long. But I want you to know, that you are loved. I and so many of our classmates are thinking of you, hurting for you, sending out prayers and love, and lifting you up. We are all with you right now. I want you to know that you are Sunflower- with a life force and a spirit full of light- outshining all the other flowers in the garden. I see pictures of Jordan , and I know who gave him that smile and that same bright, blinding life force. Consider this communique, my arms and heart, extended across these many years and miles, to you. Please know that I will do whatever I can to help you – [ ]The only thing that has changed with me is that my figure is no longer an hourglass, it is now a beer glass.
I was laid off in June and (I have been throwing confetti ever since). …..and pretending I have a husband, a house and an income. I get my nails done, drink coffee at the local coffee shop, and am in the middle of reading Anna Karenina. Sure, I am about to be evicted but.. ..could someone pass the half and half? Anyway, I say all of this to say, I have some free time on my hands. And I want to see you. Let me help you in any way that I can. [ ]I am calling you. Feel no obligation to talk if you are not up to it, or are busy. We go back too far to be worried about being polite.
I will be calling.
(If my phone ain’t disconnected)
Please be patient with yourself …. know that you are loved.
October 12, 2010 7:38:34 PM CDT