Sharing my mourning journey as my family learns to live a new normal after the death of my 19 y.o. son in an auto accident on 10/12/08.


We didn’t go to the open house at the high school. After all of my hand wringing, guilt and finally fortitude I wasn’t able to go. Mentally and emotionally I was prepared. In the end lupus took over. After a fitful night’s sleep, I woke up yesterday morning with swollen joints and fatigue. I probably could have soldiered through but I talked to Mark and we decided that we would email Merrick’s teachers and set up individual meetings with them. I was in bed early and looked at the clock realizing had I gone, I would still be at the high school. Taking care of myself while Mark supervised dinner and homework turned out to be the best solution.

I didn’t want to push myself too much yesterday and feel even sicker today. My 22nd wedding anniversary is today. I am so honored and proud to have Mark as my partner on our journey. Through health scares, moves and the ultimate loss, the death of our son Jordan, I have never doubted the strength of my marriage. Even in loss and sorrow when we’ve held each other and wept together I’ve been grateful that he is my life partner. I’m glad that I’m feeling better. Today is for celebrating 22 years with a man who brings perspective, comfort and so much laughter into my world.

Mark and I summer of '08

Here is the song played during our first dance at our wedding.

I’m feeling sentimental today and very blessed.


Comments on: "Blessings" (6)

  1. RibbitBliss said:

    Happy anniversary!

  2. I’m glad you rested. My partner has MS and there are many occasions when the event takes the back seat to the resting.
    Happy Anniversary, oh bloggy friend, to you and your wonderful, compassionate, terrific, handsome husband! You deserve all the happiness that 22 years together brings!

  3. Susan Lucci said:

    Congrats! 22 years – wow! What an enormous feat that is! The happiness in the photo of the two of you is magnificent – beaming! Enjoy each other! Yes! 🙂

  4. HUGE congrats. You are a beautiful couple.

  5. Congratulations! Funny how our bodies will tell us what we need, whether we choose to listen or not.

    I’m betting your individual meetings with M’s teachers will bring some wonderful gifts.

  6. An unexpected visit from my niece this weekend will keep me from going to a baby shower I wasn’t sure I would have the strength to attend. When I explained to my friend, the mama-to-be, she said, “Sometimes the best decisions are the ones we don’t have to make ourselves.” Your body made this decision for you. And it sounds like it was the right one. Reading your post about last year’s open house, I could just feel your heart skipping a beat and the blood rushing to your head and then back out after you heard that terrible question.

    You continue to amaze me, Jackie, with the way that you so thoughtfully put your children’s needs ahead of your own. You are an astounding exemplar of what mothering should be, all the more so after having suffered such a terrible blow to your motherhood.

    I hope you had a wonderful anniversary and are feeling better. Always thinking of you, and I will give you back the same advice you always give to me: Be gentle with yourself. You deserve it.

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