Sharing my mourning journey as my family learns to live a new normal after the death of my 19 y.o. son in an auto accident on 10/12/08.

October is Here

I don’t know where to start except to say that it is October again and the 12th, the day Jordan died is approaching. I don’t have the same dread as I’ve had in years past but my heart is heavy. The 12th will never be an ordinary day and why should it be? Heartache is encroaching and I’m allowing it in, welcoming it almost. I know that to push away the sadness or pretend like it’s just any day will not serve me well. I will acknowledge, express and care for my feelings as steps on the path to healing. For now it is a hard week, it has been a hard month and through my grief and pain I know that my family and I will remember what it was like to receive the news of Jordan’s death and the after effects. But, I’m blessed to have family and friends who I can count on to listen, even if all they hear are the sounds of weeping. The day will and come and then it will be the next day. We keep going always with Jordan in our hearts.

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Comments on: "October is Here" (4)

  1. I am so so sorry that this day brings much sadness. I am looking at the 25th of October. It will be 12 years since Michael has been gone. These emotions are only understood by other Mom’s and I am really, so sorry. I will be with you in heart and spirit on this day for you. Love, Michael’s Mom

  2. Hard to believe it has been 4 years Jackie. I imagine, for you, at times it may feel like 4 minutes … and other times 4,000 years. So many times I have seen you lean in the direction of life. To say you are strong, would somehow negate, minimize or diminish the indescribable pain you have felt along the way. I don’t know that any of us are “stronger” then others. I do know, that there are times when we do have choices. And you have chosen life … and that choice has always been rooted in love. You will always be Jordan’s mom. He will always be your son. And the love you two share is real and forever. Sending much love to you, Mark and your family. Thanks for writing.

  3. You’ve written so beautifully about Jordan. I feel like I know him. I’ll think of Jordan and his loving family on October 12th.

  4. I began my day with prayer for you and your family. I pray that the Peace of God continues to sustain you even as you journey through the pain. Please know that you are truly loved and you will always have family in Boston.

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